Decline the Call: Reducing the draw of the glowing screen

Welcome to Meander with Moe! This is a newsletter I'll be sending out approximately once a month with a reflection, updates, links to things I've been enjoying, and good news.

I can admit it: I am addicted to my phone.

It started shortly after my son was born, when it was the only thing that still felt like mine in a time when every moment of my physical, emotional and social existence was his. It was my only outlet for a while; then covid hit and it was really the only thing I had keeping me connected to the world. After that, I broke my foot, and then I got sick. I've struggled to separate myself ever since.

Has there been progress? No doubt! I downgraded my phone. I quit texting and driving (and am embarrassed I ever thought that was okay). I turned notifications off for everything except texts, and I keep my phone on silent unless I'm away from my son. I set up a nighttime routine (screen goes to grayscale & do-not-disturb mode at 11 every night). I deleted most unnecessary apps, cleaned up my contacts and unsubscribed from all business lists. I got rid of tiktok and instagram, the two apps I caught myself scrolling incessantly. I'm on Signal chats less these days, and only when it's for an active purpose. I've started trying to leave my phone in a different room. I no longer bring it with when I go for a walk. But I'm still uncomfortable with my dependence, and with the itchy empty feeling I get when I'm without a device in my hand.

I'm comfortably sober, I've given up impulse shopping and delivery services, and have mostly broken my sugar addiction. This is the last thing I feel like I really can't quit.

I don't want my son growing up seeing this as normal, and I've realized this is not the life I want for myself. I hate feeling beholden to an object, one that steals hours of my time and energy, for tasks of little substance or reward. Is checking Bluesky for the 30th time today going to do anything for my life? More importantly, what feelings am I avoiding by reaching for my phone? What is it replacing? What kind of life could I be living if I minimized its presence?

I realized I need more than just my haphazard attempts at fixing this, so I'm working through this 21-day dopamine reset and grabbing a copy of How to Break Up with Your Phone by Catherine Price. I'm planning to buy a Mudita Kompact as soon as my current phone contract is up.

Reducing the temptation and breaking bad habits is only one part of the equation. I'm also using the health coaching principle of "crowding out", where instead of imposing bans and limits, you simply fill up your plate (or your life!) with the healthy stuff so there just isn't space for the rest. In other words, instead of just discarding my phone, I have to fill that time with something better.

Right now, my "crowding" looks like: finishing my TBR books, stretching, sending snail mail, sitting on my patio, petting my dog, going for walks and swimming with my son, working on my new aid project, playing games I enjoy, journaling, doing projects in my condo, and finding opportunities to learn.

My life is starting to feel fuller. I'm starting to feel the tiniest creative spark return, and I'm hoping soon I'll have the energy and motivation to create--maybe writing this newsletter is a start. I feel less of a desire to scroll and more of a desire to engage. A year ago I was wondering if I'd lost mental capacity and just wasn't as smart as I used to be. Now I'm realizing how much mindless habits have been dampening my capability.

This endeavor isn't over by a long shot, but I'm beginning to feel some hope that healthier habits are taking shape.

If you got this far, thanks. Have you been working to be more conscious of how you spend your screen time? Have you found anything successful in breaking the habit? Reply and let me know.